Shoelace Love Story

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All of us have a love story to tell. Some might be in their happy ending part, or for some, still looking. Whatever your present relationship is now, we all go through these stages one way or the other. It is seldom that one finds their true love at the first try (like my mom), but eventually death still separates them.

Watch this story of how love buds, flourish, and if not taken cared of, can die down. Please leave a comment or share your experience at the bottom.

He called her his "unicorn". Unicorn became the most important imaginary animal of the middle ages and Renaissance when it was commonly described as an extremely wild woodland creature, a symbol of purity and grace, which could only be captured by a virgin.

The elusive unicorn. Image by Brenda Starr

Even Leonardo Da Vinci wrote something about unicorn in one of his notebooks. "became the most important imaginary animal of the middle ages and Renaissance when it was commonly described as an extremely wild woodland creature, a symbol of purity and grace, which could only be captured by a virgin."

Very sweet isn't it to be dubbed as unicorn. To be rare and hard to tame. And yet, if you have seen the end of the story, what then?

Six stages in a Relationship were outlined in the story.

Stage 1: The Meeting

How did you and your boyfriend / fiance / husband meet? Fixed date? Friend of a friend? Very seldom I think is by chance. We all are wary of strangers. It is much safer to meet someone that was recommended or you share a mutual friend with. Much easier for background check. But I know some friends who met their husbands through the dating website. I tried that before, but it didn't work for me. You really need to be dedicated to schedule a chat session. Most of whom I have met I have noticed were either lying or trying to get into my bank account. As if I am rich! Point blank is - its hard to trust someone these days. My present boyfriend? He was my student. No! I'm not older that him! It was a continuing education course. 

Courting Feet. Image by imjoshdotcom.

Stage 2: The Chase

This is the "official" courtship stage. How conservative the courting or how traditional depends on where you live and your upbringing. Most American films we watch jump from meeting stage to the "bed stage" all in the same night. There is even a rule of dating only until the third (or fourth) time before determining if you want to dump him or keep on seeing him. Some says don't send him sms daily for it will look as if you're too clingy. My point is, be you. I was courted by a Peruvian. And boy, they are totally different from my Pinoy suitors. What my big brother advised me was don't conform to his way of courting just because you're in Europe or that that is the way they court ladies in Peru, but to let him conform to your idea of courtship. Too tough for him to be conservative, so I dumped him.

It's so nice to see the story show the real way of getting steady -- by asking the girl if she wants to be his girlfriend. That lays down the openness in the relationship. Some would just say they are officially a couple of they sleep together or if they stopped seeing others. But why grope in the dark. It is not unmanly to ask and make it official.

I know a hotel cleaner here who slept with someones boyfriend and told the girlfriend that she and the guy have a relationship. All because he slept with her. It failed to dawn on her that he never ended his real relationship with his girlfriend and that he never wanted to be seen with her.

In my homeland, this stage is critical for a girl doesn't want to be dubbed as too easy if she goes steady immediately after meeting the guy. More than three months of chasing is safe enough.

Shadow of Truth. Image by SDeluz.

Stage 3: The honeymoon

No, honeymoon is not solely for newly weds. It is the stage of courtship (yes, it is still courtship) that both parties are high in the Eros stage of love. Eros being a passionate physical and emotional love based on aesthetic enjoyment. 

Honeymoon stage is now going out as a couple unlike the chasing stage where you tend to go out as a group. It is also official to each family that they are going steady. Meet the parents? Not much. It's too soon for that. Some who have good family relationship wants their parents to have a say in the relationship, so thus, the meeting. 

I had this impromptu meeting with the father of my Fil-Am boyfirend before. He called me up saying he would like to meet me up on my lunch break. I was at work and being a professor doesn't entail you the freedom to jump out of the office once the lunch hour chimes. After tidying up my room and having short talk with some students, I went to see him in a fastfood chain a few buildings away from where I work. Suffice to say he was pissed off for waiting 15 minutes. He said that is impolite gesture in the States. I didn't comment on that maybe due to naivety or pure respect not to talk back. I was just baffled with his desire to meet me and even my boyfriend who was in the States at that time was bewildered to the sudden interest of his father. Gist of the meeting was that he was trying to see if I'm a gold digger. He laid down upfront the amount my boyfriend was making in a year. Was I interested? I was too stupid to make any right remark but I do remember just asking about his job. Hey I heard the figure but I don't know the exchange rate so I cant convert the amount. I was not really interested and I can't even recall as of now how much he said it was. It was only when we broke up after almost a year that I understood the reason for the visit. 

Walk by faith. Image by SDeluz.

Stage 4: Comfortable

Comfortable under the thesaurus is as such:

Main Entry:      comfortable

Part of Speech: adjective

Definition: good feeling

Synonyms: adequate, agreeable, appropriate, at rest, cared for, cheerful, complacent, contented,convenient, cozy, delightful, easy, enjoyable, enjoying, gratified, hale, happy, healthy, hearty,loose, loose-fitting, made well, pleasant, pleased, protected, relaxed, relaxing, relieved, rested, restful, restored, satisfactory, satisfying, serene,sheltered, snug, snug as a bug in a rug, soft, soothed, strengthened, untroubled, useful, warm, well-off

How do you describe your present relationship? Is this the same as Agape? Not really but bordering into it. Agape covers this stage and the next one which is "tolerance".

Let me tell you this, even if you have been going out for so long, never stop trying. Courtship should never end at the honeymoon stage. Do something different every once in a while. Light up the fire! For if not, you might succumb to the next stage.

A pair on its own. Image by SDeluz

Stage 5: Tolerance

You tolerate his tardiness. His inability to remember what to bring in the family outings. Her nagger side. Her unending to - do list. The burnt toast. The uncapped toothpaste. The shoes on the foyer. The unwashed dishes. The list could go on and still you can find fault. They say never go to bed angry and yet both of you can do the silent treatment for a week. 

Yes, this is still part agape for love can still bring forth caring regardless of circumstance. There is always a plateau in every relationship. EVERY. Yes, we all go through this. Even husbands and wives. Ask any marriage counselor. That is why they are there. To resolve the "tolerance" stage and make sure it doesn't go to the next level.

I could say my present relationship is in this level. No, we don't hang up on each other or forget to call at all. But we try not to forget to call and we try to find new things to do. That is why I have this blog. It helps us see things in a new perspective. All of our shared outings that we post here or in our other blogs keeps us in track of each other. It makes all new experiences a joy to do.

Hoping....Image by SDeluz

Stage 6: Downhill

Seldom do people stay on this stage too long. Either you're a masochist enjoying being despondent all the time. Or you're a sadist reveling in the pain of others. Don't go this way. Either you do a major overhaul or jump the wagon!

Stage 7: Breaking Up

I applaud the couple who go about this stage in a civilized manner. Talking it out instead of hurling bad stuff in each other's faces. Some even use their social media walls to slander each other. Breaking up is hard. But once you decided to do it, then gather a support group to help you stand by your decision. Read books. Love yourself first so that you would heal. What I find that helps most? Distance. Time heals, but distance helps erase the memories. New cafe to hang out with. New faces to socialize. New places to see. It helps. Believe me. 

It takes two to tango. Analyze what you did wrong. It is not 100% the other parties' fault. You have a hand at the downfall of your love story as well. Think what you need to change and what you need to work on. And after all these...move on. We all deserve a happy ever after.

Please share your own story or comment below.